Pappa and me

                                                                                                                            

Living away from home in some fancy metropolitan city can have its share of promises and disappointments but most evident in this experience is the universal phenomenon of citing allowance requirements at the beginning of the month. Well, if you are a student or a struggling writer- director- actor- scientist- humanitarian- freedom fighter- barber.

This phenomenon is best related to a sort of timeline whereby your relationship with your dad changes with the number of days closing in on payday.  Since I’ll be providing my own views w.r.t. the subject matter you could choose to ignore the incongruities and make a nice little chart for yourself. The idea behind this exercise is to ascertain what you consider your dad to be from the folllowing:

1)     1)   An A.T.M.

2)     2)   An A.T.M. and idiot.

3)     3)   An A.T.M. and friend.

4)     4)   An A.T.M.  and inarticulate detective- of- sorts (if you’re a daughter).

5)      5)  A reluctant A.T.M. and mentor.

6)     6)    A mentor. ( I don’t believe you)

1^st   2^nd 3^rd 4^th or 5^th day of month

You call you father and

1)      1) Tell him directly that it’s payday.

2)      2) Tell him you love him and that it’s payday.

3)      3) Tell him you’re sorry for last month’s expenses and some more and that it’s payday.

4)      4)  He asks you about what you did last night.

5)      5) Tell him that it’s payday and listen for a while about how consumerism is the enemy.

6)      6) Tell him you love him. ( I don’t believe you)

6^th 7^th 8^th 9^th 10^th day of month

He calls you and

1)      1)   You don’t pick up.

2)      2)   You don’t pick up.

3)      3)   You pick up and tell him about how you couldn’t wake up for class ad if he could wake you up tomorrow.

4)      4)   Asks you about your friends w ho you mention are all girls and he tries to ask if you still don’t have any boyfriend.

5)      5)   Tells you how advertising is the enemy.

6)      6)   You tell him about how you are so close to finding a formula for eradicating poverty. ( see that’s why I do NOT believe you)

11^th - 20^th days of the month

He calls you and

1)      1)  You tell him you’re going for a trip to Goa and so it’s time for that travel allowance.

2)      2)  You tell him you love him and that the educational trip this month is to Goa so you need money.

3)      3)  You chat about the dog and how your college professors are incompetent idiots.

4)      4)   He tries to ask you if it’s safe outside at night and you tell him you wouldn’t know.

5)      5)  Tells you how the middle class suffers under the burden of capitalism.

6)      6)   I don’t care.

20^th -25^th days of the month

He calls you and

1)      1)  You tell him there are sales in Zara and its perfect time to use the credit card cashback schemes.

2)      2)   You tell him someone stole a suitcase filled with your clothes while you were washing dishes and so you         need money to buy a camera to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

3)      3)  You chat about the dog and you ask him if he can send some money since there’s sale going on.

4)      4)  You dodge questions barely managing to ask him if he could send some money since there’s sale going on.

5)      5)  You decide not to mention the sale.

25^th – 30^th the month is ending!!

You call him and

1)      1)   Tell him you’re broke.

2)      2)   Tell him how much you miss him all the time and that you are broke.

3)      3)    Tell him you are short on attendance so he has to hide the letter from college so that mom doesn’t see it.

4)      4)   Tell him you are a lesbian just to fuck with his head.

5)      5)   Tell him to read Ayn Rand.

I’ m pretty sure -if you aren’t a complete idiot that is- you’ve figured out exactly what you consider  your dad to be. Don’t get me wrong- I completely believe in the relationship a child shares with their father to be full of love and fond memories but it is one of a long duration. Complacency and convenient arrangements are always more realistic in the long way.  And don’t forget the argument for altruism- personally  I don’t fancy old age homes much.